What Is Next

So here we stand again. Time moves forward towards its end, yet from the beginning God was there. I'm not sure why I'm where I am at now. At work today a woman came in and began talking with me, she wanted to know my major. I told her I was an economics major at KSU, the converstion went on a typical path. She asked me what I was going to do when I graduated. Now, I've never been one to make plans more than one year out, and I have never been one who just knew what I was going to do with the rest of my life. Don't take me wrong, Ive always known what direction I'm going to go, which I believe is much more important than what I'll do along the way, but people are fascinated by my eagerness in not making a plan. I told her how I wanted to be used by God, and I was basically going to follow him and allow him to direct my steps. This was a completely foreign concept to her, because apparently she had planned every step she had taken in life and by her standards it had worked out well with her. She looked well off, she had an enormous diamond ring, so I assumed she and her husband had achieved financial success, but I kid you not, she didnt know how to take the fact that I was seeking to give up my education in economics for a persuit of something I can't even define. There was a genuine curiosity in her that seemed almost child like.....and it got me thinking. Can someone tell me? Is there something wrong with me that I have such a peace about not having a plan? People don't seem to get it, it seems like everyone around me is more worried about me not having a plan then I am. Still, the pressure mounts as people that love me want to hear what I'm going to "do". I've been thinking (and dreaming) about this alot lately. It seems like every night my subconcious mind runs wild trying to figure out just how I truly feel, and to be honest I believe its because I'm scared. This path God has called me down is very scary! I had alot more security when I was simply "planning" to go into the world and find a "secure" job and begin lifes journey, for a house, a wife, some kids, 2 dogs....etc ;-) Don't get me wrong, its still a desire on my heart to be married to a Godly woman, to have kids and the works, but I'm in a unique place here at graduation, as I'm single and completely free. But, I can't do that. I cannot sell myself out to persueing my desires over this something that burns inside me. I can't deny the calling I feel inside of me....its wild that I seem to be willing and able to walk through my fear against all logic to follow a God I cannot see? I'd dare say it is wild. And I am glad to be wild in a world of Spiritually tame individuals. I've decided I'm not going to sell out to complacency in life. I have seen the hand of God do miraculous things in people, and I am asking him every day to do something in me. He is answering in a very real way by calling me to live a life of faith and take some radical chances. To be honest this creates WAY more uncertainties than the old plans I had for myself, but already in such a short time my faith is growing by leaps and bounds. I feel very emboldened to share the Gospel, like never before. My prayer is much more fruitful, I can see the Spirit working in mighty ways....and.....I am scared to death of what this all meens. Normally I write poems or tell stories in my notes, and I keep my journal between myself and God, but I felt there is a purpose to me posting this particular entry as a public note? Anyway, I'm still working through this, but don't be surprised if in the end I do something that maybe seems a little crazy. Because I am in the mood to chase some Lions.