Thoughts on Premarriage

What's the point? Some of my thoughts on dating. I feel compeled to share with the world that would read my notes about my thoughts, and my hopes. This is a note that I hope will convict some, and encourage others. Its my take on what dating should look like for the truth-seeker, and how we can date with purpose, avoid the great perils, and ultimately maximize the REAL pleasure we can get through our pursuit of "the one". Its especially for my friends who are followers of Christ, but its also for those who arent, who are perhaps curious as to what motivates me in dating and what my ultimate goal is in seeking my wife. At the core of my motivation is the belief, backed both by profound revelation from creation, and faith, thats Jesus Christ is God manifest in the world. And that his words brings life. That his precepts and teachings are the path to TRUE life, in the way it was originally meant to be lived by the great creator himself. I believe there is something far greater than pleasure in relationships, far greater than an emotional connection. I believe when we find that thing, it sets us free to understand a side of Love that has limitless upward potential. A type of Love that can set us up to experience all that God has for us in our singleness, and eventually in our marriages. First, Id like to look at a few of the ideas we find in the world and break them down in comparison to Gods word. I invite you to be honest about your own experience, and your own heart-felt needs and expectations. Turn the light of self-honestly onto your own heart. This is a great place to be, as God corrects those he loves, and accepting correction is one way to receive the Holy Spirit (Proverbs 1:23). Remember, being imperfect is the one inevitable truth for all human beings (Romans 3:23). Seeking correction through refinement of the Holy Spirit is one of the greatest choices any imperfect human-being can ever accept. Gods word is a light unto our path. God gives us good precepts by which to live too. Gods precepts are a light to the lives of those that follow him, and when we adopt those precepts to guide our actions we are living in a sweet spot. Not out of a legalistic framework, but out of a delight to have found such a guiding light in a obviously dark world. So ill break it down into 3 myths that I believe are perpetuated in culture, especially in America. Myth #1 - We might as well have fun now while we are still single. At the core of my belief system, is a timeless understanding of the reality I live in. One excuse I often hear in the world, is we should have "fun" while we are still single or young, because this is the chance the "get away" with it. These people often understand that committment in marriage is of critical importance, but I believe implicit in their statement is a very limited understanding of commitment and faithfulness, which are the backbones of a healthy monogamous relationship. I think this is simply worldly wisdom, which isnt worth much. It fails the take a timeless approach to committment. The truth is, that I view commitment to my future wife as on ongoing thing. If I cant be committed in the moment that is always now, when I dont see her, than how can I be committed in the future when I do? This is a lesson that also believe is true of Jesus. For though we dont see him now, we are called to be committed to him through faith, and that faith is accounted to us as righteousness. But if we are making excuses in order to put-off the faithfulness we know were called to, than all we are doing is strengthening a lie in our own heart. I believe that a deeper understanding of committment will teach us to honor our bodies and hearts now, and the bodies and hearts of those we date now. We shouldnt want to "rush" the process by diving all in physically or emotionally. We should prayerfully and faithfully wait for Gods revelation. In the meantime we are free to improve in seeking his goodness and learning better understandings of the traits that make the best marriages happy and blessed, and enduring. (Matthew 6:33) Myth #2 - The Glorious days of man are in his younger years. This one is so ingrained in our youth idolizing society that Im sure its going to take actually aging and the wisdom that comes with it to get it out completely. It seems that people will tell you that everything is more fun in your youth, that everything works better and feels better when your young, and if you give up those youthful pleasures your missing out on some of lifes greatest experiences. I find this misses the greater spiritual blessings that can come to a life that is tempered and focused on holiness and goodness in youth. (2 Timothy 2:22) Often times, people that go all out in youth, start losing a sense of passion and purpose in the middle and later years. These are the same folks that will then constantly tell you how great youth is. They are stuck in nostalgia, never really embracing the fact that a life faithful to God and his ways should produce more and more fruit over time. They have reaped their reward in their time, and also suffered consequences. I am still alone, in that I am still unmarried. I will also admit, that there are times when I question the precepts by which I have lived according too and wonder if a worldly path to fulfillment would have solved the very real ache of lonliness that I feel. When I question whether I am missing out by pursuing things other than youthful passions, there is always an opportunity to turn to God and be comforted in a place that will ALWAYS be there for me. (Hebrew 10: 33-39) & (Hebrews 13:5) God always provides for me in those times If I turn to him, but the ache and pains are real none the less. These times I believe are preparing me, reminding me that "It's not good for man to be alone." in a very felt way. A way that tempers me and set the stage, through faithfulness, for a greater joy at the revelation of my future wife. I believe that by turning to God during these times, I am both delighting him, and setting myself up to have a greater appreciation for my future wife when we finally are together. (Jeremiah 29:11) Myth #3 - We are all dancing to our DNA and are wired to seek sex, Just do it. As Christians, we should be seeking Christ, and in seeking him find an ever increasing amount of the fruit of the spirit in our lives. (Galations 5:22) We should be seeking the character of a citizen of heaven. This myth glorifies the idea, that the highest aspiration of man is procreation. It makes an idol out of what is one of the Gods greatest gifts. I understand that the drive to sex is great in a very real and natural way. If this desire is strong in you, its probably all the more evidence for the fact that God does want you married. (1 Corinthians 7:9) We all have drives, we have tendencies that we have inherited genetically. Remember a "tamed beast" is much more useful than a "wild beast". In these moments, it's important to produce the fruit of self-control, in order that we might glorify Christ with our bodies and set the stage for more blessed marriages. This though leads us from the desire to pursue temporary pleasure to the greater pursuit in dating, which is purpose. The purpose of dating is to find that partner we will spend the rest of our lives with. (Genesis 2:24) Ill add to that the goal to leave anyone you date before meeting your spouse in a better spiritual place than when you met them. This view highly values purity in pursuit, but leaves us guilt-free and whole hearted post relationships, assuming the ones we were dating in the mean time don't turn out to be Gods choice. By waiting now, and pursuing God instead, and pursuing a better character, we are setting the stage for better marriages in the future. Alright, obviously experience has not taught me this lesson yet, but I'm choosing to believe this truth as God has shown us that he is worthy of our trust. By understanding faithfulness more deeply, I hope and believe that I am laying a foundation for a deeper intimate relationship in my future marriage. My age doesn't steal from this at all, in that the vast time I have spent single has added up to more years of faithfulness. I believe my wife will have a great appreciation for those years of waiting, and for all the women whom I said NO to in waiting to say YES to her. I think this will create a much stronger foundation of trust, and therefore a much stronger place to build Love. Final Thoughts Notice the myths here all partially relate to sexual compromise before marriage? It's a big issues? Sex is everywhere in our culture, and it sells. God has a greater plan for the time we live before marriage, that will better prepare us to be loving husbands and wives. Remember, it's never to late for change, aka Repentance. This is a broken world, and the enemy of truth loves to get people as dirty as possible. How blessed are we who realize that we can be cleaned from all unrighteousness through faith in Jesus Christ. No matter where you are in the dating world, no matter how wrong you have been with your past decisions, its never to late for change. In fact, those that change after getting much dirtier, often have a greater capacity for love, as the pride of life fails to get in the way of the greatest definition of Love. (Luke 7:47) He has made a way for us, for you and me, to enter into his presence and be cleaned. This process is known as sanctification, and it is a process that we are invited into when we come to faith in Jesus and began to seek to live according to his precepts. Wherever you are, I hope and pray this note is an encouragement, a reminder, and a call to greater living to you. The time is always now, so move forward, but add to it all the great gifts God has to give, and dating doesn't have to be perilous. Instead, it can have a great purpose, that will lead to stronger marriages founded on a timeless definition of faithfullness.