Real in the World

I've realized as of late, that a youthfull passion for life can and will be short lived if not tempered with faith and patience. Passion drives us forward, but it must be focused on what fulfills eternally. Passion for the fleshly desire of the world will leave us ultimately empty. I've had such a desire to rush into life. Get the Job, Get the Girl....the whole "american dream". I work so hard towards these goals, only to realize that happiness is much more amazing than the fullfilment of some American dream. Still I'm driven towards that satisfaction, that happiness, and sometime I don't even know why. I wan't to change the world, and I don't know how. I pray about it, and it seems the only answers I recieve are silent affirmations....two words really, patience and faith. But these two traits are so elusive to me. I know that God has a master plan, and I believe he works things out for the good of his children, but still, I am human, I'm unsure, and sometimes I doubt. I desire so deeply to find that in life that truly matters. To live with purpose and passion and to have a deep desire for truth. Why have I...for so long...written off the fruits of the Spirit that seeks to guide me as traits I can only have once I've accomplished....but I can at least see thats not how it works. I've prayed in vanity...."Lord, if you could just give me an awesome girlfriend, a well-paying job, a group of friends to hold me up...then I could focus completely on you." I'm so focused on becoming, at what point do I become? For me, life is uncertain. I'd like to say I have it all figured out, that my path is strait, and that my destiny is a most beautiful song written in the very fabric of time and space, but thats just not true to me. I don't know the future, I'm afraid my desires will never be fullfilled, I'm burnt out of persueing things of the world...a worldly education, money, experiance, power, fun. I desire change, but I don't know if it will happen, and if it does when. Perhaps in time I will have some of my questions answered, my desires fulfilled, and doubts eliminated....but I'm beginning to seriously doubt it works that way. The fulfillment of one desire just leads to another. One goal accomplished presents another to be persued. A doubt relinquished makes room for a new fear. A circle, a season to everything. I'm beginning to believe, that patience and faith will be the whispers in my heart that give me the courage to move forward in times like these. I'm beginning to see that time tempers the soul, and that growth and pain, that love and loss, though they can be both beautiful and scary experiances, are perhaps the most powerful teachers of patience and faith out there. I'd like to see changes. There are people I love deeply, whom have not understood the depth of love God has to offer...people I'd like to see changes in. These people, most of the time they don't want to change, or they have found "contentment" in the world. But seeing people change, for the better, it inspires me. Its like I need them to change more than they do. It reminds me that God works from the inside out. It encourages my faith. It changes me. Still, there are ALOT of complacent people. Am I one of them? I don't know I'f I've had any impact for Christ. All I know is his impact on me. I wan't to see change. Patience and faith then must take another turn in this lifes walk. I want to laugh and have fun like heavens here and now, to love completey, and be loved by others. I want to meet new poeple, and learn new things. I wan't everyone to have a passion for the truth, and for its fulfillment. I don't want to run from life, I wan't to embrace it. I wan't to be complete, solid, true, and sure. I'm not. Is everything in patience and faith? I'm told Patience and Faith will lead me there. Then again, perhaps, just perhaps, i'm already there. Here I am. Unsure, but hopeful. Desiring deeply, but patient. Trying to live day by day in faith. I'm unsure, but I had to write this, To be Real in the Face of the World.