The Rock and the Hard Place

I do have a psychological motivators when it comes to all of this. It's not a minor part of why I am going through all of this. I move forward and push because I can't handle the weight of what is behind me. I push because I have a very real and legitimate need to not buckle to the fear of inadequacy that I do struggle with. Why is this my circumstance? I was a nice guy, a generally like-able person, and I just wanted to find confidence and experience like everyone else. Often-time game changers have a quirk, issue, or personal reason for innovating and bringing needed and good change to their games. Its about understanding it and harnessing it, though it is heavy, it doesn't control me, and I have a way out - forward. I measure my psychological needs against a backdrop of scriptural understanding. For example, a believer might feel the need to steal - but they should measure that need against scripture and ultimately not steal. If that same person felt a need to buy - there would be no sin. There may be financial negligence and possible addictive habits but there would be no sin. This is really easy to understand, and scripture is actually straightforward about what sin is, a transgression against the law in the physical sense, and faithlessness in the spiritual sense. I need my psychological needs to be respected as legitimate. I don't know why its so difficult for me to accept that my need is legitimate, and why I let that thought get attacked with questions and doubts, that ultimately leave me reeling in self-pity and doubt. Stuck between anger - at a need to defend what is inside of me is a very real and very felt struggle - and depression when I'm doubting as I turn that anger in on myself and lament at my shortcomings. The Goal is Fulfillment as a Man - The Pursuit of Happiness I am a bible believing, Christ following, Yahweh worshiping male. I don't know why in the regards to relationships and women I should be held to ANY standard outside of what is laid clearly in the text. I hope that he will encourage me a confidence in his word, and a true knowledge of its principles and laws - especially in regards to these issues.